Why Mark Will Never Get Drunk Again
by MarkeytseiaANDMoureeneeaaa
Summary: Since in almost every RENT fanfic I know.. Mark has always sworn off liquer.. this is why!


The Actual Reason Why Mark Will Never Drink Again  
By: Markeytseia and Moureeneeaaa.  
Disclaimer: Every character except Mark, belongs to LITTLE JOHNNY LARSON! Mark belongs to me. Just kidding! He belongs to Little Johnny Larson too.. gawd rest his soul!   
  
One day, at the Life Cafe, Mark got drunk. He didn't really mean to, because in other fanfics, he had always sworn off liquer, but things were different now. The authors were sick sick people. Anyway... Mark stumbled around the Life Cafe, drunk off his ass. Usually drunken men are all like.. "Dude.. I gotta get laid, by a woman.. or two." But Marky was different. Since the authors liked gay men.. Marky became really gay when he was drunk.Moureeneeaaa thinks that Marky is really gay, but supresses it, and that side only comes out when he's drunk, but then again, she's an addict. So... anyway.. Marky plunked down at the table Maureen and Joanne were sitting at. To make things sound interesting.. let's say... they were drunk too!  
"Marky.. if you're lucky.. you'll get to watch us tonight!" Maureen slurred, hanging off her former boyfriend. Joanne giggled, spitting up her vodka on the rocks.   
"Nahh.. we could let him join in!" she exclaimed in a very drunken matter, since she was, as we have already established, wasted. Marky shook his head. In his booze hazed mind, he only thought of one person... BARNEY! Wait..no.. we remember now.... ROGER!! Yes, he loved Roger with a passion so intense.. there was only one thing he could think of to contain it. Drink himself into a drunken stupor. But, he didn't realize, as of yet, that when he gets drunk, he tends to act extremely gay, and flirts with men, like Roger. Roger's a man... we suppose.. Sooooooo... Marky had to go find Roger. Roger was conveniently sitting across the cafe. Marky got up and stumbled over to him, crashing into several tables before he could reach his true love!!! The authors pause to dab at their eyes with a tissue. Anyway...Marky tripped over his feet and landed facedown in Roger's lap.   
"WHAT THE FUCK!?" Roger cried, pushing Marky off his lap in disgust. You see, Roger wasn't very drunk yet, and he was still supressing his homosexuality... so says Moureeneeaaa, but we all know about Moureeneeaaa's little problem. So, Marky clung to Roger's legs.   
"I LOVE YOU ROGER!" He cried, in a very subtle matter, for a drunken Marky.  
"Are you drunk Mark?" Roger asked, knowing his best friend very well.  
"NAHHH... I love you!" Marky tightened his hold on Roger's legs, cutting off all hope of circulation.  
"Mark.. get off me." Roger growled in that annoying voice he does, you know he always pushes the one he loves away? First Mimi.. now Mark.. we could sit here and explore his inner psyche all day, but we have a story to write!  
"But..Roger!" Mark got up and sat on Roger's lap, hugging him and sticking his hand down his plaid pants.  
"Mmm... wait.. HEY! Get out of there!" Roger said, not wanting to admit how good Mark's caring touch felt against his own cold, lonely skin.. but anyway, this is not a R/M fanfic! We must go on! He pushed Mark off his lap and shook his head. "You gotta get sober man.. where's your camera?" Marky stood up and put his hands behind his back.  
"I dun know.." he rocked back and forth slightly, looking like an overgrown two year old. "It went away..."  
Roger shook his head sadly, getting slightly dizzy since he shakes his head so much. "You'll regret this tomorrow Mark.. get out of here!"  
"Noo!!" Marky started to protest, but for the good of the story, he went on to see other people.  
In a sad, lonely corner, Collins sat. All alone. Poor Collins! A little raincloud had formed over his head, and it was raining on him. Luckily, he had bought one of those umbrella hats, so it didn't bother him. Marky happily skipped over to Collins, falling over several times in the process, then running outside to pick dandilions growing out of a crack on one of those islands in the middle of traffic. After Maureen dragging him back in kicking and screaming, he finally got over to Collins. Now you see, Collins was drunk too. And he was hallucinating. Marky skipped up to him, his blond hair making a halo of light in the otherwise darkened room, his adorable blue eyes sparkling.... at this time, Moureeneeaaa slapped Markeytseia, who was drooling all over her keyboard! Collins looked up at him and saw...Angel!   
"Angel?" Collins broke into a wide hopeful grin. Mark thought for a minute.  
"SURE!" Collins pulled Marky into a tight embrace. He dragged him off into a nearby hotel room.  
  
  
The Next Morning....  
  
Birds sang outside of the hotel room, until a man from the street pulled out a handgun and shot them all dead. Marky curled up under the covers, wearing only some socks and ...a pink ribbon. Think about that. No..you think about it! Are you thinking? We'll give you time........*elevator music*........ And we're back! Marky was still asleep.. his angelic face peaceful, and content.. and adorable and... *slap* OUCH! Fine, you take over the keyboard!! Take it!  
  
Marky was sleeping, no big deal!!!!!! Though he is kind of cute.. *starts drooling* Anyway... He woke up, with a hangover to kick some serious ass. Getting all pissy, he looked around at his surroundings. "Dude.. I got laid last night! And I didn't pay for it! YEAH!" He looked around for the lucky lady and saw.....COLLINS!? "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*breath*AHHHHHHH!!" Mark yelled, very suprised, although it did explain his sore ass.... *cough* Poor Mark! From that day foreward, he swore off liquer.. because he wasn't gay....right?   
  
YES HE IS! MUHAHAHAHAHA!! So says the word of Moureeneeaaa!   
  
The End! 


End file.
